Finding Rhythm
I remember getting ready to come to Africa I talked to a friend about the challenges ahead. There is an outline that was made as to the emotional process someone goes through while working in another country. Like most things in life my process here seems to have not followed this outline. According to the outline stated that the entry was easy and the first struggles come about three or four months in. I thought this seems about right being this would also fall around the holidays which also carry an emotional tie of home and family. I remember sharing my thoughts with my friend as he shook his head, I think you will find your challenge at the beginning and by the time the holidays hit will find yourself at home.
Traveling over the reality that this is truly happening sunk in and I was faced with my own fears can I do this. The London airport was under heavy surveillance and it took over three hours to get through the international terminal. After being put in yet another wrong line by a worker placed they’re to help us conveniently move through this process I cracked and found myself breaking down while standing in line. The tears came and their was nothing I could do to stop them. Embarrassed confused and so very alone all I could think was that if I couldn’t make it through the airport how was I going to make it through this year. Just then some sort of miracle happened and in that moment a worker pulled me out of this mass of people standing in line and moved me up to the front. Maybe it was the tears though I thought my break down was quite discreet or maybe she was trying to save these people from me starting a scene but in any case I was thankful. For what I knew is she knew nothing of my process and all I was left to think was at that at this very moment I was seeing an act of God. That might seem heavy that God would care about me getting through the London airport but I have to believe that there are moments that He is aware that we are in need of a sign
Landing in Africa seemed serial. I love the people, my heart had been so tied to this dream of coming here. But the thing about a dream is that standing in its reality is quite different. I found myself questioning everything inside of me. Can I do this? Far away from the support of the people who had loved me so well, here I was. Not only was I faced with the challenges of being far from home but everything was new my room, the culture, language, food, bathing, and toilets. All my previous trips to Africa had been with a team of people, which serves as a buffer from you needing to fully enter into this new world. For sure you still are able to experience pieces of their life but at the end of the day you have this group of people to process with, that know you, get your humor, and can understand all the difference of life in this foreign land.
Being faced with these challenges seemed to change my attitude on a daily basis. Much of the first few months here in Uganda felt like a roller coaster exciting, scary, and at times nauseating. I expected being faced with others challenges but never had thought of my own.
Over the past months challenges im faced with nonetheless most especially I am challenged to look at myself through a new lens. In confronting my own weakness and insecurity my soul has found rest. Somewhere along the way life began to find a rhythm. Now days it seems I forget that this once was all so foreign to me and now just feels like home. Everyday still has its challenges and for sure I never fail to learn something new every day but I have come to see that no matter were I stand life has challenges and continues to call us to rise above them.
Its hard to believe that its coming on eight months that I have been here in Uganda. My anticipation of the things that I would see and do have changed greatly. You anticipate coming into this land and being able to make some great impact. Now I see that first I needed to be impacted before I could begin to share that with others. My heart is broken at times. I have little answers for the suffering that I cannot begin to meet the needs of. Often I find myself praying for miracles and pleading for understanding. It seems sometimes that really we are only scraping the surface of never ending amount of needs and sometimes I wonder what im doing here. During these moments come the gentle reminders as someone slinks in my room. Making a cup of tea we talk, they thought there cry went unheard and it seems in its persistence that indeed now we find that God is answering them one person at a time.
I always have had a hard time understanding why there was so much loss, suffering, and pain in this world. I still wonder and yet am filled with no question. My western mind looks to find a way to fix it all but at times im faced with the fact there is no resolution. Last year I got the privilege to share at a discipleship class that my church ones. My teaching was on purpose passion and gifting. In sharing with the class I asked them to pull to mind someone who had influenced there lives, maybe it was a family member, teacher, boss, friend, even a brief encounter with someone who was really just a stranger. I then asked them to erase them from their memory. What would your life be missing? When choosing to walk out our dreams and who we were created to be we impact the lives around us. Sometimes I think we are so busy searching to do something big or be someone great that we fail to see that lives greatest impacts are found sitting with a friend, loving your family, encouraging your student, and inspiring your employees. I want to start seeing that the greatest gift I can give living today well and in that I believe that it will prepare the path for tomorrow.
I remember getting ready to come to Africa I talked to a friend about the challenges ahead. There is an outline that was made as to the emotional process someone goes through while working in another country. Like most things in life my process here seems to have not followed this outline. According to the outline stated that the entry was easy and the first struggles come about three or four months in. I thought this seems about right being this would also fall around the holidays which also carry an emotional tie of home and family. I remember sharing my thoughts with my friend as he shook his head, I think you will find your challenge at the beginning and by the time the holidays hit will find yourself at home.
Traveling over the reality that this is truly happening sunk in and I was faced with my own fears can I do this. The London airport was under heavy surveillance and it took over three hours to get through the international terminal. After being put in yet another wrong line by a worker placed they’re to help us conveniently move through this process I cracked and found myself breaking down while standing in line. The tears came and their was nothing I could do to stop them. Embarrassed confused and so very alone all I could think was that if I couldn’t make it through the airport how was I going to make it through this year. Just then some sort of miracle happened and in that moment a worker pulled me out of this mass of people standing in line and moved me up to the front. Maybe it was the tears though I thought my break down was quite discreet or maybe she was trying to save these people from me starting a scene but in any case I was thankful. For what I knew is she knew nothing of my process and all I was left to think was at that at this very moment I was seeing an act of God. That might seem heavy that God would care about me getting through the London airport but I have to believe that there are moments that He is aware that we are in need of a sign
Landing in Africa seemed serial. I love the people, my heart had been so tied to this dream of coming here. But the thing about a dream is that standing in its reality is quite different. I found myself questioning everything inside of me. Can I do this? Far away from the support of the people who had loved me so well, here I was. Not only was I faced with the challenges of being far from home but everything was new my room, the culture, language, food, bathing, and toilets. All my previous trips to Africa had been with a team of people, which serves as a buffer from you needing to fully enter into this new world. For sure you still are able to experience pieces of their life but at the end of the day you have this group of people to process with, that know you, get your humor, and can understand all the difference of life in this foreign land.
Being faced with these challenges seemed to change my attitude on a daily basis. Much of the first few months here in Uganda felt like a roller coaster exciting, scary, and at times nauseating. I expected being faced with others challenges but never had thought of my own.
Over the past months challenges im faced with nonetheless most especially I am challenged to look at myself through a new lens. In confronting my own weakness and insecurity my soul has found rest. Somewhere along the way life began to find a rhythm. Now days it seems I forget that this once was all so foreign to me and now just feels like home. Everyday still has its challenges and for sure I never fail to learn something new every day but I have come to see that no matter were I stand life has challenges and continues to call us to rise above them.
Its hard to believe that its coming on eight months that I have been here in Uganda. My anticipation of the things that I would see and do have changed greatly. You anticipate coming into this land and being able to make some great impact. Now I see that first I needed to be impacted before I could begin to share that with others. My heart is broken at times. I have little answers for the suffering that I cannot begin to meet the needs of. Often I find myself praying for miracles and pleading for understanding. It seems sometimes that really we are only scraping the surface of never ending amount of needs and sometimes I wonder what im doing here. During these moments come the gentle reminders as someone slinks in my room. Making a cup of tea we talk, they thought there cry went unheard and it seems in its persistence that indeed now we find that God is answering them one person at a time.
I always have had a hard time understanding why there was so much loss, suffering, and pain in this world. I still wonder and yet am filled with no question. My western mind looks to find a way to fix it all but at times im faced with the fact there is no resolution. Last year I got the privilege to share at a discipleship class that my church ones. My teaching was on purpose passion and gifting. In sharing with the class I asked them to pull to mind someone who had influenced there lives, maybe it was a family member, teacher, boss, friend, even a brief encounter with someone who was really just a stranger. I then asked them to erase them from their memory. What would your life be missing? When choosing to walk out our dreams and who we were created to be we impact the lives around us. Sometimes I think we are so busy searching to do something big or be someone great that we fail to see that lives greatest impacts are found sitting with a friend, loving your family, encouraging your student, and inspiring your employees. I want to start seeing that the greatest gift I can give living today well and in that I believe that it will prepare the path for tomorrow.
posted by Jessica at 6:08 AM
1 Comments:
Well written article.
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